So my son, who is brilliant, handsome and funny, has this little quirk about him that his sister and I actually enjoy, even though we give him the hardest time about it. He likes to use big words (and has since he was 2) but, occasionally, he will use them incorrectly in a sentence. It will be close, but not quite right. Inside, I smile every time he does this. I can't help it, I am a mom and I know what a genius he is, so I think this quirk is cute. (He will not think it is so cute that I am sharing this right now, so Noah, when you are reading this, read the first sentence again and please forgive me.) With Noah, this misuse of language only happens with the large, hard to spell type of words.
But for all of us, there is a much smaller, easier to spell word that we misuse way to often, and even though we use it literally ALL of the time, I wonder if we really stop to think about what it truly means...
LOVE
It is our first and most important command as Christians (Matthew 22), so I think it's incredibly important that we figure out what it truly is and how we can fulfill our ultimate purpose for God.
One of the greatest yet most misunderstood truths about love is that it is NOT a feeling. It is true that we develop very strong feelings for others, and for whatever reason we have decided to call that being "in love". But if we base our love off of a feeling we are in deep trouble, as feelings come and go, even for those we are closest too. Maybe even more so, as they are the ones we do life with and we are going to eventually see their weakness and they are going to let us down simply because they are human. Let's be honest, they are going to annoy us and frustrate us and smell bad. They are going to be imperfect humans who behave differently than our expectations wanted them too, and in those moments, we aren't going to FEEL much for them at all. If we only love them when they are pleasing to us, then it's going to ve very hard to keep our promise of unconditional love.
This is true for the world as well. If we as Christians are only going to love others when they are pleasing to us and following our "ways", then we may as well quit now. We are only going to cause hurt and misrepresent Jesus as we offer love and then take it away the second someone doesn't live up to our standards. I have been guilty of not being loving towards someone for these very reasons, and I have also lost people who promised to love me, because I didn't live up to their expectations. It's crucial in the times we are living in to truly get what love really is, and what it looks like to live it out.
So what does love actually look like? Even though we have countless songs, stories and poems wanting to know what love is, God did not leave us guessing at this most important order of his, He gave us the perfect definition of what we are called to in 1 Corinthians 13.
This definition of love fits regardless of the type of love we are talking about. As my kids are getting older, we have talked a lot about who they will choose to love, and what that looks like. There is a great story of a parent who taught their daughter to place the name of the boy she had a crush on in the place of the word love, to see if he was right for her. I have taught my kids the same. Kennady knows that the right guy will treasure her heart, and not only be willing to wait for her, but will consider it an honor. She in turn will be able to trust him and want better for him than she does for herself. Noah knows that the right girl for him will respect who he is and that he is to protect her and be patient with her, as he is an example to her of God's love for her. I didn't make these my guidelines when I was young and paid a high price for choosing based off of emotions. Too often people just jump into something based on a feeling and then are surprised when the "love' they felt goes away. We have lost the understanding of commitment and choosing daily to love.
But these verses are not just about romantic love. We are also called to love the world. I think we have to ask ourselves, can we put our own names in to the place of love in those scriptures? And can we put those we are claiming to love at the end of each phrase? It hurts a little when I ask, Is Missie patient with_______. But that is what God has called us to do. Are we willing to be patient and wait for those we are claiming to love to get where they need to be in God's timing or are we rushing them to get it right, right now? Have we forgiven and let go of the wrongs done to us by our friends or family? Do we protect others and build them up or are we tearing people down? What about those who seem completely unlovable?
In the Bible, the book of Hosea tells about how he is told by God to love a nearly unlovable woman. She is a prostitute, a mess. But Hosea chose her as He was told, and he married her. She went out, and made it as impossible to love her as she could, but he loved her anyway.. It is an example of God's love for us. Hosea wasn't to wait until she had changed her ways, or been made perfect. He was simply to love this broken woman. I guarantee he didn't always feel like loving her, but he followed God's command We are to love like that. Love the broken, love when it is hard to love. I am in no way suggesting that we allow someone to hurt us over and over, we still need boundaries. God does not permit sin, but he continues to love the sinner. He wants to love them back into right relationship with Him. .
In Hosea, chapter 2, is one of my favorite examples of how God loves:
Therefore I am now going to allure her, I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope.
Hosea 2:14-15.
We have to learn to love like God loves. He took action and went after her heart.
So what is love? It is a choice, made every day. It is a commitment we make regardless of how we feel at any given moment. Love is hard, and it is messy. But it is worth it. Only Jesus got it right every time, all the time. But because of his perfect love for us, we can do this thing called love too. Without him, we will fail every time. With Him, we can change the world with His love. We will make mistakes and need to ask forgiveness , and we will need to start over. And over. And over. Love is an action and like any action that we want to come easily, we have to practice. We have to get out there and love extravagantly. (1 Corinthians 13:13)
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